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Interested in these topics? How other people treat you is the single biggest determinant of your happiness What is the single biggest determinant of your happiness? Rather, it is how others, particularly those closest to you—friends, family, and colleagues—treat you.
The reason our happiness depends so much on the quality of our relationships is because humans are supremely social creatures, as revealed in this humorous video.
Evidence of our social nature is all around us. We care so much about what others think of us that, as some of my findings show, we would rather experience an unpleasant event e. What all of this means is that it can be excruciatingly difficult to deal with negative people—people who bring your mood down with their pessimismanxiety, and general sense of distrust.
So, how does one deal with negative people? One obvious solution is to walk away from them. A more practical approach to dealing with them is to start by understanding the reasons for their negativity.
In brief, almost all negativity has its roots in one of three deep-seated fears: It is also easy to see why people with these fears would find it difficult to trust other people. The fears that negative people harbor manifest themselves in a variety of ways, including: For example, negative people have strong preferences on what and how their children should eat, what type of car their spouse should drive, etc.
Notice a common feature across all of these manifestations of negativity: Similarly, it may seem paradoxical that negative people feel pessimistic about their own future and yet goad others to succeed.
Looked at from this perspective, their negativity is a thinly disguised cry for help. A straightforward, but ultimately unproductive way of helping negative people is to give them the respect, love, and control they crave.
However, this could be a slippery slope since people adapt to the new levels of respect, love, and control they get and thus, you may find yourself in the position of having to provide increasing levels of respect, love and control to keep the negative people happy.
Put differently, by fulfilling their desires, you may be creating a Frankenstein that comes back to haunt you worse than ever. An alternative solution is to get the negative people to see the sources of their negativity and make them realize that their negativity has more to do with their attitude than with the objective state of the world.
This means that there are really only three other options left for you. First, you can grit your teeth and accept the negativity and hope that things will improve.
The second is to seek the help of a counselor or an arbiter e. Both of these options, however, are unlikely to fix the problem.
In the case of gritting your teeth and hoping that the negative person becomes more positive over time, your passivity may be taken as a sign of acceptance that their negativity is justified.
Over time, this may lead to increasing demands on you and, if you fail to deliver on these demands, increasing complaints about you. This brings me to the final and, in my opinion, most tenable option for dealing with negative people.
In a nutshell, this option involves three elements: The compassionate element involves rarely—if ever—advising the negative person about changing their behavior.
It also involves never lecturing or preaching to them about the sources of their negativity. As already mentioned, most of us are not good at taking negative and critical feedback and negative people are particularly averse to such feedback.
Now, it may be difficult for you to not react in some way to the negative person, especially if their negativity is getting to you. It may help to remember that, while you have to deal with the negative person for only some time, they have to deal with themselves all the time!
This recognition should help you respond—or not respond, in this case—to them with compassion. The second element—of taking personal responsibility for your own positivity—involves doing what it takes to protect your own happiness. If you cannot maintain your positivity and composure, then all is lost.
In another articleI had suggested some tips for taking personal responsibility for your own happiness. In a nutshell, it involves adopting a set of more positive attitudes, but that alone may not be enough to deal with a constant onslaught of negativity; you may have to take time away from the negative person on a regular basis to maintain your composure.
The final element—of being mature—involves understanding that the most reliable way to steer the negative person towards positivity is to manifest the positivity yourself. But, how exactly do you manifest positive attitudes that you want the negative person to exhibit without crossing over into being preachy or judgmental?
The trick is to act, as far as possible, like a person who is fully secure. That is, act like someone who is respected and loved by others, and in control of the important aspects of their life.
However, do not take such actions to spite the negative person or to prove a point; rather, tap into the space of authenticity from which it seems natural to behave in a spontaneous, positive, and trusting manner. Then, when the negative person makes the skeptical or cynical comment—as he or she inevitably will—take the time to explain why you chose to act as you did.Register Log In Home Page and Articles Forums General and Off Topic dealing with impatient people?
Forums Active Threads Forum Help Pennzoil Synthetics: Recent Topics I will work my normal schedule for the company (even if others do not) and the company can decide to either let me work, or let me leave.
I definitely would. However. How To Deal With Negative People - Case Study - An example of when you defend yourself and the person viciously attacks back These are the people you respect and feel good dealing with. Unfortunately, these people are not in the majority.
Most likely you'll be dealing with a negative person. His words have no meaning and he's definitely.
Do you have someone at work who consistently triggers you? Doesn’t listen? The Secret to Dealing With Difficult People: It’s About You. Tony Schwartz The easy default when we feel. Furthermore, whether or not it’s really a little or a fresh company, possibly it can not afford to lose its clients on account of the prohibit.
Their heads are simply not . Narcissists are not easy. Narcissists do not take pity on people in this place, in fact, it energises them to hurt them more. Unconsciously narcissists project their inner helpless, powerless parts (their broken Inner Child) onto other people and then try to destroy them – because they hate that vulnerability and weakness within.
And then for me, the weirdest thing was getting outside reaction to it. People asking ‘did you have a fight? Did you say something you should have? What went down?’ And I’d say honestly, there’s not one thing, one interaction in those moments I had with Mark, that I can point to.